Hearing voices: interviews

In the visible and invisible human world

I nternationalInstitute of Anthropology
Lolita Nikolova, PhD
Created: August 2, 2009.
Last updated: August 9, 2009.

Hearing voices in head: Interviews

The names in the interviews are changed. The interviews were taken only from people who I had been knowing for a
long time and whom I trust or from people with websites on hearing voices or professionally working with the topic (L.
N.)

Interview No.1 (posted 8-09-09)
8-7-09. 8:29 PM Interview completed by phone.
Ann Brill (33), married 5 months, B.S. in Mechanical Engineering, M.S. in Aerospace Engineering. I have known Ann since 2006.

1.        Ann, how do you feel about psychology?

I took a Psychology class in High school in my native country and disliked it, as it was highly theoretical and suggested no real-life
applicability. Though I now know that my perception was based almost entirely on my teacher’s inadequate job in explaining both
theoretical essence and the practical ramifications of psychology, this early unpleasant experience led to my lack of interest in the subject
in later years.

2.        But do you think we need psychology today?

Of course. Human interactions can be explained by knowledge of psychology, and one can handle relationships better if knowledgeable
in the basic principles of psychology. For instance, symptoms of employee dissatisfaction can be observed faster through psychological
analysis and dealt with greater efficacy.

3.        I know you had a very well paid and prestigious job in California, but you left after only 10 months and decided to rebuild your
professional life from scratch. As far as I know, one of the reasons was the extraordinary stress you experienced at your
workplace. Do you think that the same job could be managed better through psychology, in a way that would make you want to stay
in the same company for life?

Yes, because the stress was primarily emotional. It was related to the strained relationships between co-workers and not to the nature of
the work.

4.        Do you think that if you had stayed in this company longer, the job could have caused psychological trauma in your brain?

Without a doubt. I quit because I was already on the verge of a psychological breakdown.

5.        How will you describe the sensitivity of your brain at that moment? Did you feel that your brain was transparent and invisibly
connected with the surrounding environment, as if you communicated with people from your job to the extent of hearing their
voices?

Because I worked roughly 80 hours a week, my work environment was my social environment, i.e., I had no time for personal life or social
interactions outside the company. Perhaps that was the reason why even in bed, before falling asleep, my mind constantly replayed
unpleasant conversations or created situations of imaginary conflicts between certain coworkers and me. I could imagine my co-workers’
voices, but the sounds were in my head; they did not come from a distance.

6.        What about the people you worked with? Did you have colleagues who were aggressive in their everyday activities and non-
ethical in their relationships?

Many were aggressive, including me. This seemed to be the only way to get the job done. As to non-ethical behavior, I witnessed it every
day in the form of non-greeting, body language, blatant lying, backstabbing, even production sabotage. Such behavior was not typical of a
certain group of hierarchy level but exuded from all levels, from the lowest positions to the division directors.

7.        Can you explain to us how you gradually changed your opinion towards your job – from the beginning of your employment to
the end?

I started as a middle manager and was very excited about the job and the company. Back then people seemed friendly and helpful, but as
I became better acquainted with the daily activities of each team, I realized that the pleasant faces were just facades. Many people weren’t
at all knowledgeable but were highly skilled in pretending they were conscientious workers with adequate knowledge and skills. I wasn’t
going to allow this in my team, and I made it clear I did not condone such pretense in other teams. Though some co-workers admired me
for that, others feared me, which led to more unethical behavior on their part as a means of preserving their jobs.

8.        In this context, did you feel a sort a coalition? That means that everybody reacted to comments in one and the same negative
way.

No. People responded differently. Some became ashamed and showed great improvement, others tried to avoid me. Certain individuals
decided to use deceit in order not to be shamed or fired.

9.        My impression is that you made the right decision by leaving the job instead staying there.

Yes, because if I were to stay in the company, I had to learn to play a non-ethical game. I didn’t want to do that, even if it meant sacrificing
a six-figure salary and a potential for a tremendous professional growth.

10.        How can you explain your turning to writing as a new professional venue?

My love for writing was born out of my love for reading. My mother had taught me how to read before I started school, and my voracious
appetite for books led me to my first creative writing attempts at the age of nine. Although my academic focus from high school through
graduate school had been on science and engineering, writing has always been an indelible part of my life. And now that I’ve discovered
that it is the only thing that makes me happy, it is only natural to want to do it full-time.

11.        What did I forget to ask you?

You may wonder what role psychology will play in my books. Answer: There is no story without a conflict. If I want to master conflict as a
creative writer, I need to learn about human psychology. After all, it turns out my high school class in Psychology has taught me wrong—
psychology is not confined to the realm of theory. Understanding psychology can help us understand human interactions, individuals, us.